My name is Myron

I am sharing my life experience with you in the hope that if you have a gambling problem you will realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel and/or if there is someone close to you who has a gambling problem, you will possibly learn something from my experience and it will assist you and or your sponsored on the way to recovery.

I grew up in a loving middle class family, attend a highly regarded public school and in general had a very happy childhood. While my siblings and I did not always get what we wanted, in material terms, we were never short of love, learned to respect other people, and were taught life skills and to give of ourselves unselfishly. My parents were very community orientated which values are inherent in my brother and I.

I graduated through UNISA with a B.Proc degree in 1982, doing my articles simultaneously and eventually became the Senior Partner in a well established legal practice. I had the world at my feet, I was financially successful, healthy, highly respected, held senior executive positions in the Country Club of which I was a member and was a senior executive in a very prominent national service organization.

However I was also (and still am) a compulsive gambler.

This eventually led to my being struck off the roll of Attorneys and receiving a 5 year prison sentence for theft of which 2 years was suspended. I was therefore sentenced to an effective 3 years imprisonment which I commenced serving on the 8 May 1998.

Due to a six month general amnesty and good behaviour I served only 10 months in jail being released on parole on the 11 March 1999. I was under house arrest, on onerous terms and conditions until the 11 November 2000.

From having the world at my feet I became prisoner no 1234/5678 sharing facilities with 1400 inmates in a prison with a capacity of 700.

I have read many times in the press and heard countless people say that prison is a holiday camp            spend 1 day in prison and you will change your mind. Prison is not rehabilitative, it is merely punitive.

It is said that prisoners have too many rights, more so than their victims. That may be so, however those constitutional rights are there to protect all citizens and consequently should you find yourself wrongfully accused or unjustly dealt with, you will be the first to thank the constitution for the rights afforded to you, to enable you to protest your innocence.

The majority of prisoners are originally convicted and sent to prison for stealing the proverbial “slice of bread” but eventually become hardened criminals due to being released after their initial term without money, food, employment, a place to stay and no prospects of work. (I was fortunate in that the above criteria did not apply to me on my release.) What else can an ex-con do, if he has no skills and no legal means to earn a living but go back to what originally landed him in jail in the first place.

I am not talking about hardened criminals who commit gross acts of violence etc but mainly those convicted for minor offences, such as stealing food so that their family can eat.

I was fortunate to the extent that I managed to get a single cell, 8’ x 7’ and thus had a bit of privacy. It is however extremely lonely being locked up in a cell so small for 22.5 hours a day on non-visiting days, the other 1.5 hrs being allocated to exercise (in a yard 14m x 11m ) and showering in a communal shower.

It took me almost 3 months to get work in the prison. Eventually I obtained work in the Agricultural Department for which I received the princely sum of R7-00 per month. For me the fact that I was able to be in the open air 5 days a week from 07h30-14h00 was the bonus but for those prisoners(who could get work), the money was their only source of income and was thus highly prized.

My work entailed cleaning the fields and planting and harvesting the crops. Although it was back breaking work at times, I enjoyed every minute of the work despite the abuse that one had to put up from the Warders from time to time, although I was treated far better than most.

During the time that I was locked up in my cell, which was the initial 3 months and thereafter on weekends and working days after working hours, I passed away the hours by reading and doing crosswords. I estimate I read a book a day during my 10 month incarceration.

Initially I was allowed unlimited visits and whatever reading material my visitors brought. In November 1998, the Dept of Correctional Services, in its wisdom, decided to limit visits to a maximum of 45 per annum, maximum 1 hour at a time and not more than 4 per month for A grade prisoners and less for B, C and D grades. Reading material was also limited likewise.

It is an essential part of one’s application for parole that a prisoner shows inter alia that he has family and friends who care (the number of visits are counted) and that he is able to re-integrate into society. The limiting of visits thus denies a prisoner the contact he needs and craves with his family and friends, which in turn gainsays the Departments policy of a prisoner re-integrating into society being criteria for parole.

On or about 1994, the inmates of the prison in which I was incarcerated and the Head of that Prison signed a peace agreement as the prison was ungovernable. The Prison is essentially run by the Gang Leaders and nothing happens without their say-so. The Prison was relatively peaceful from 1994 until November 1998, as privileges, for good behaviour, were increased to the extent that one did not have to become a gang member and/or resort to subterfuge to obtain luxuries.

What transpired when the privileges were withdrawn in Nov 1998 is that prisoners again resorted to illegal means to obtain items that were now denied. If one wrote down a list of 10 items you wanted in prison, 9 out of 10 could be smuggled in.

By withdrawing privileges the Warders lose control, as privileges are highly prized and a useful means to enforce discipline. The days of assaulting prisoners to enforce discipline are over. Thus prisoners who unfairly lost privileges rebelled. If a long term prisoner has no privileges he has nothing to lose and will behave accordingly.

Without the co-operation of the gang leaders, the prison does not operate. Their authority runs from controlling the food lines, to prisoners working and to ensuring that prisoners return to their cells at lock up times.

When one is locked up and alone you learn to appreciate what you previously took for granted i.e. unlimited freedom, the right to do whatever you choose                        , as long as you do not harm anyone else and more specifically the right to privacy.

I am not bitter about my experience, I suppose it is part of my learning curve, some of us merely pay a higher price than others and to each person the experience is relative.

My striking off the roll of Attorneys and subsequent conviction, without debating the merits and de-merits thereof, all happened because I am a gambling addict and would not previously admit it.

All addicts are the same in principle, be the addiction Alcohol, Gambling and/or Drugs etc The only way to stop one’s addiction is to

1          make an admission that you have a problem

2          admit that you are powerless over your addiction

3          seek help.

Life as an ex-con is not easy. House arrest was onerous. I have paid my debt to society and have re-integrated into society.

This applies equally to most ex-cons. Many employment opportunities and organizations are closed to persons such as myself. I bear no malice and hold no grudges. I was the author of my own misfortune and furthermore life is too short to worry about what one cannot change. The world does not owe me a living and I will only make out of my future life what I put into it. All I ask for is an equal chance to do so.

From being successful and having many doors open to me, many doors are now closed. That’s life. I do not dwell on what might have been, I cannot undo my past, or what should be but concentrate and look positively to what I can achieve in the future.

Because of my addiction, I destroyed loving relationships with two women, hurt their families, as well as my own, and became somebody who I hated, had no respect for and was not me. To all those persons I have hurt, I again extend my unconditional apology. To my family and friends who stood by me in my time of need, my heartfelt thanks and appreciation.

I have had to start again from scratch financially, but I know as long as I do not gamble, I will be able to live a fulfilling life. I did my re-habilitation with members of AA and NA as there was not a GA in my home town of East London.

At some stage during the 12 Step program, I do not know when the defining moment was, I forgave myself, learned to like my self again and got back my self respect.

I cannot turn back the clock, and whilst I am not proud of my past neither do I deny it.

By openly admitting that I have a gambling problem a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders and has been instrumental in my recovery. I am however only gambling free until my next bet.

My cousin was going through a traumatic divorce. She had befriended a Priest who gave her the following advice:

Yesterday is a banked cheque              it‘s history and can’t be unbanked (do not dwell on the past.)

To-morrow is a promissory note           it may or may not be honoured. (Don’t worry about future issues which may never arise)

To-day is cash-spend it wisely (Deal with what you are able to control)

What I have learnt from my past experience is that you cannot run away from your problems but must confront and deal with them as soon as possible. Whatever the consequences one has to face one becomes a better person by acknowledging one’s shortcomings and trying to resolve them. In any event most problems one worries about either do not occur or when confronted are resolved.

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “in the middle of adversity lies opportunity”

The turning point in my life was going to prison, admitting that I had a gambling problem and realising that the only way I would beat my addiction was to deal with the problem.

By making the admission and seeking help, I now have the opportunity to re-integrate into society and put the past behind me. I cannot deny the past but “it is better to remember and laugh than to forget and be sad” (author unknown)

I learn from my experiences and have become a better person.

Each addict has a low point which they must reach prior to making the admission about their addiction. Each low point is relevant to the person experiencing it.

As previously mentioned I have completed the 12 step programme and strongly recommend that if you are an addict you get into the program. The program taught me a lot about myself and made me a better person. I understand my addiction, am able to admit it openly.

I attend regular GA meetings (every Monday night if possible) and have initiated and lead several 12 step programs groups as much as to help myself by helping other Compulsive Gamblers.

I am, after many years of being a compulsive gambler, with all its inherent faults of lying, cheating etc, at peace with myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and like myself. I have regained my self respect. It has been a long and bumpy road.

I liken my recovery to the launching of a space ship. Most of the energy and structure is in the foundation. The difficult part is getting off the ground, the next stage is easier and so on until the space ship is flying without its impediments. Then again the re-entry stage into earth is difficult. As long as I am aware of my shortcomings I will cope.

I am no better and no worse than any other Addict. In fact I am no better and no worse than most people. I even like myself.

I do not sit in judgment of others but am sharing my experience with you in the hope that it might help either yourself or someone you care about avoid making my mistakes, as well as to demonstrate that recovery is possible.

You can elect to be a winner or a loser. I elected to be a winner.

Whilst you may not be the author of your own misfortune, we are all the masters of our own destiny and if you take responsibility for your actions you can achieve whatever you realistically set out to do.

Should you or anyone you care about be an addict, in whatever form, please feel free to contact me at myron@homenetmerc.co.za and I will help in any way I can.

Visit our website at www.gamblersanonymous.co.za or www.cghub.co.za for more information on gambling.